In light of my week, I sure could relate to this one:


> HI, WELCOME TO THE MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE!
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
> If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 & 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
> the
> line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to
> the
> mother ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
> you which number to press.
>
> If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
> press,
> no-one will answer.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696.
>
> If you have amnesia, press 8 and state you name, address, phone
> number,
> date of birth, social
> security number and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
>
> If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
> 000.
>
> If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep -
> or
> before the beep - or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are
> far
> too busy to talk to you.
>
> _______________________________________________________________